we broke up and he got another girl pregnant
Also, it implies that using a condom prevents pregnancy. But I would not for one reason other than the fact that trusting him again would be difficult to do (and that would IMHO b. Its such a heated issue, because everyone knows someone that has some sort of baby-mama-drama on one side or the other. lets_be_honest You cant live without food. And yet men still keep having sex with us. When he didnt come chasing after you when you moved you knew it was over and done with. sorry lbh this actually doesnt have anything to do with your comment, i agree with you. Dr. Sherry, My fianc cheated, we broke up but then got back together. Let this be a learning lesson for everyone male and female. I totally agree with you for reasons you likely already understand. I dont really know what the question was I just assumed it was should we stay together How can you not also be angry at your bf LW? The LW said that he is furious that shes keeping the baby. I think the LW here should wash her hands of this whole mess and stay away from the drama. Therefore, when having sex with a woman, you must assume that she could get pregnant and could keep it even though you dont want it; or on the flip side, abort it even though you dont want her to. Solved. Or, she may have seemed supportive during the relationship, but . Thus, her meal is tainted with traces of peanuts. I cant tell you how many children have grown up thinking something was wrong with THEM because they had a parent who didnt want them. Which keeps me pretty busy, and Im married to my daughters mother. If it were me, Id stay FAR away from someone as seemingly immature and callous as your exand Id get myself to therapy to deal with my OWN immaturity and callousness. But women and children, in the context of child custody and support systems, end up in extremely unfortunate and unfair situations far more often. Not only to prevent babies but to protect yourself from STDs. He could be imaginary. You go to a window and pick one out and take it home with you. Hes responsible for the choices that brought him where he is now. I think both you and JR are twisting this around to make it sound like we dont like the dude because were prudes who dont believe in casual sex, or that were siding with the LW or something, when most of us actually said that we believe that the LW is as scumy as the dude. Am I being selfish if I tell him not to go to the doctors appts and be in the labor room? from the letter: Cowards who abandon responsibility when they dont want to deal with it dont make good partners. Idiots like the guy in the letter, dont. This baby will need a dad, not just a check, and if he can walk away from this child he can walk away from you just as easily. My man (were not engaged anymore) begged to see his kids, and they met up and talked. reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2008): A I just found out that someone he had slept with before we got back together is pregnant. April 10, 2012, 9:47 am. Tough shit. iseeshiny I doubt the conversation went like: Please have an abortion. Senior year of high school, you turn to your boyfriend and say the words hes been dying to hear I think Im ready. He responds with Great, Im totally ready to be a dad anyway. Uh, no, were using protection. No, I know. It is never the unborn childs fault. He told me he will obviously be paying for it but wants nothing to do with her OR the baby. There are any number of cases where under-age males, 12 years old, 14 years old, 16 years old, get hit for child support because the female teacher who statutorily RAPED them got pregnant. Mother hits hard times and ends up going on either Medicaid or Temporary Assistance/Welfare. female His right to bang someone without protection could end badly and in this case it did. It ended because you both were doing your own thing, and you had trust issues. April 9, 2012, 3:44 pm. Year 1970. No. But wherever youre writing from, I suspect the child support laws are strong enough that, if she goes after it, he wont have much choice. When I could just as easily say, Its so easy for men to disappear after a pregnancy and never give financial support to their child.. Yes, the language in the letter is certainly. I dont think hes scum based on this either. Whatever happened to you to make you hate women doesnt have to mean a lifetime of whiny bitterness. You want to look awesome in comparison to this new guy. He is going to focus his energy and time with his baby momma, his relationship with her, and making sure his child is born. You deserve each other! One does not need to hate women to find inherent unfairness in current laws. Are you sure you are not living in a cheap novel? How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If You Are Pregnant But you are wrong for trying to force him to stay with someone just because of the child. April 10, 2012, 10:34 am. I have no problem with single people with children who put their kids above the girlfriend/boyfriend and at the beginning of the adjustment period, over the new spouse. I am curious what RR will have to say after some interesting points being made after her comments. She doesnt tell the waiter that she has a peanut allergy, because she assumes that simply ordering a dish without peanuts in it will protect her. Nope, not at all, she just goes on living life unchanged. You cant bear life without each other yet hes untrappable? Guy Friday You sure arent one. Scummy is the wrong word to use. John Rohan Dude, thats seriously out of line. Month later, Lady finds out shes preggers. The man has NOTHING to do with any child creation. This LW really doesnt get a say in the matter, true, but if I were her Id take one look at the boyfriends actions and attitudes and dump him. honeybeenicki That is not a legally binding document and is unenforceable. bittergaymark And it will need a mother and a father. Im really astounded that you would say something so flippant like women can get support for 20+ years, as if its nothing! I spoke with him a second time after many missed calls and he seemed really upset about his situation and begged me to talk to him. You want to be a slave to a prick like him? This whole letter is a giant Friends reference. How about if I choose to opt out of THAT? Women Who Got Pregnant From A One-Night-Stand Share What Went Down He apologized for not telling me sooner. Oh wow, that was longer than I expected. But you have to take a deep breath and be an adult about it, seriously. My ex-boyfriend had apparently broken up with a girl who was a.. You had no say in the matter.. wife pays debt sex video. lets_be_honest My opinion is that we all know that it can happen whether youre on birth control or not. Its a sad situation when an unplanned pregnancy happens between two individuals that arent committed to each other, let alone two individuals who actively dislike each other. April 9, 2012, 7:25 pm, I agree. I know it is hard since you love this guy to see how reprehensible he is. By continuing to use this site, you agree to our updated Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. The woman can choose to abort the baby, even in the event the father desperately wants it, and is willing to raise and support it himself. BACKFIRES! As a woman, you have control over that. But youre too stupid/gullible to be angry at him. But to me, it sounds like youre misdirecting your anger. He was broken up with her at that time, and had no agreement that they would get together in the future. They are calling him a scum for not taking any responsibility for happened, and they are calling the LW names for acting like her BF is a saint, and had nothing to do with making this baby. Man I love got another girl pregnant - Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend Sure. Privacy Policy. According to this, then, a woman should have the choice of forcing the child, once born, onto the father, and then only paying child support for a couple of decades. Actually, pulling out has a 4% failure rate versus 2% for condoms for perfect use. Paternity laws in this country absolutely suck. You seem upset at biology that women are the ones that carry the children and and therefore has the ability to decide or not to continue on with a pregnancy whereas a guy doesnt have that same right. You mean, he should be able to decide whether or not hes emotionally distant and vacant from the life he had equal part in creating? Actually no. It may be more than a coincidence that your girlfriend or wife announced she was pregnant right after you broke up with her. You want to work on your social skills. Its not a secret that it works that way in our society. Nevertheless, if you choose to sleep with a guy that you are not in a relationship with or have only known for two months, without doubling up on the protection, and get pregnant and decide to keep the babyThen I think you should be aware that a situation like this may happen. WTF!!! Gain some maturity and realize that you have no part in this decision, shes decided to keep the baby, shes the one who will be carrying the baby, raising the baby, etc Grow up LW and dump him. I think this would cut down on a LOT of baby mama drama with regards to accusations of women getting pregnant on purpose or trapping me with a baby. Because no matter how much we feminists on here hate that bullshit, it DOES happen. This guy sounds like scum. April 9, 2012, 12:08 pm. reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008): A April 12, 2012, 2:41 am. If the other woman decides to have the baby, her now boyfriend will be liable for child support, which will significantly impact his finances (and their finances if they marry for the next 18 years. Steve Wilkos ANGRY Moments | Steve Wilkos ANGRY Moments | By Shukla Where does the stork fit in? Great, yet another fine example of the sheer brilliance and intellect of more and more heterosexuals in this case, the male whom increasingly seem to have all the knowledge and intellect as to where babies come from as, say, your average comatose five year old. The dude in your story is a pretty big idiot if he doesnt want to be a dada but the word of a woman he had known for two minutes that she was on the pill was enough to get him to bone her. I dont have an opinion on your status of human or troll via DW forums. My hand felt like someone smacked a block of ice with a hammer. Youre taking something he is saying pre-child and assuming that it is the reality of what will happen post-birth. I think that is fair. In fact, it may not even be anger you feel, but hurt or you feel threatened by this pregnancy. Ford 1970 Kansas Cars for sale - SmartMotorGuide.com That is a WAY better scenario than I mentioned above which would be an in and out dad who pays zilch and really fucks the kids head up. He had no more to do with the existence of this child then an architect who only provides half the blueprints has responsibility for the existence of the Pentagon. Like its a big shock that birth control can fail, that people can lie about using birth control, that women get to choose whether they want to keep their children and that he law requires men to financially support their children whether they want them or not. but he wants me and wants to marry me as he said all along And maybe she is a harlot of sorts. But I just watched this documentary on ecstasy users whose brains were literally rotting away (Ah!!! But because I am perfectly fine with pregnancy being a strict liability issue. Already Tired of the Baby Malarky. Miranda Lambert's new cop hubby lived a 'secret life' - Page Six A Happy Life me and my boyfriend dated 3 years ago for a year. It would have been way happier if its bottles didnt explode. Seriously. He willingly engaged in sex (apparently without a condom) with a woman he knew for two minutes. And the man? It's good that he's being a responsible father already by supporting them financially. You are acting like child support is some sort of lottery win for the woman it is court ordered money that is to go towards the care of your child. Sorry for the crass language. He was instrumental in the whole zygote creating you know that thing that turned into a baby Whats that? Bottom line. Imagine the following scenarios. Im not a woman hater happily married for 15 years, and I love my mother, my sister and even my mother-in-law. But not usually. You dont have an obligation to be faithful to an ex-girlfriend or boyfriend! Leaving the issues of the suggested abortion and unprotected sex aside (which have also been beaten over the head on this thread), that was what really struck me as I was looking through these comments. Then how does the woman get off requiring the man to do it? bittergaymark And now onto you, ummmm you say he cant bare to be without you and never loved anyone as much as he loves you.well his actions sure say otherwise. I must respectfully disagree with you. Its the law. lets_be_honest Francine A kid is not a building. It takes two to make a baby, and it doesnt seem like he was taking any precautions. As a dude, this letter brings up several thoughts. I dont care what ridiculous conversation anyone does or doesnt have before sex. If she did not use protection with him, or ask him to get tested when they got back together, that is no fault of his, imo. Calling the women here honey is pretty condescending, Steve. I take it, then, that your position is that a man should never ever have sex unless hes either (a) sterile, or (b) willing to raise the possible resulting child and/or pay for that child for a couple of decades, but that a woman has those choices but also can opt for an abortion and so can opt out of the obligation of a child. And if so, Im ready. I was a completely amicable situation and hes had no issue with this arrangement and its been many years. Its not a mystery. He might very well be an immature asshole. However, I dont think it sounds like hes ready or willing to settle down with either woman. I do not think he has a duty to be there for the child he never wanted and made it known he did not want to have with time to do something about it. Why is he such a scummy, awful human being because hes angry with the way this has worked out that hell be on the hook for another human being until who knows when? And I am, I must admit. This is clearly a heated topic, so Im not sure were all being purely logical about it. In most cases a child has been brought into the world consensually, and so both parents should be obligated to support that child. Im not exactly sure that the one million people currently estimated to be living in the U.S. would agree with you, but I am fairly certain the 500,000 dead definitely wouldnt. skyblossom Because, since you cannot prevent pregnancy and you cannot prevent sexual transmission of disease, I see no other way to look at it. He ordered her to get an abortion? Putting that opinion into action with either government or private coercion is that to which we have no right. I often feel bad for the LWs who get called names and judged super harshly on this site and sometimes feel the need to defend them when they just seem lost and in need of some advice. April 9, 2012, 9:58 am. If theres anyone whos unfairly been put in this mess, its not you its the baby. Your boyfriend made his choice when he had unprotected sex. So society got together and decided that the biological parents owe a duty of monetary support to children the create. In my opinion, even if the baby turns out to not be his, hes already shown his true colors; and theyre pretty yellow. * However, if you bang and get knocked up by tiger woods (quite possible given his standards) you will be set for life and hence a lottery win is born. MOA, ASAP. Its now you, the man, the other lady and a baby involved in this situation and as far as I can see thats too much people involved already. Heartbroken People Share Ludicrous Ways They've Been Dumped The only thing you need to think about is if you can stay and have a healthy relationship with a man who has a child with another woman and wants to bear minimal responsibility for raising the child. First, abandoned is a bit misleading, since (a) we dont know that theyd broken up before or after she discovered she was pregnant and (b) hes agreed to pay for the child. So again I think you are making it seem like he treated her like a human being, and talked about this rationally, but really, he was pissed at her for having his baby, threw some money at her, and told her to never come back again. hamster van beethoven Itll be hard work, but I genuinely think it can be done. By that logic, virtually every dude on the planet is an idiot. landygirl. Ex-girlfriend Is Pregnant With Her New Boyfriend's Baby Im arguing that he should be able to get out of the responsibility in the same way that a woman can get out of that responsibility. I told him I wanted nothing to do with him anymore. Is it 100% fair to men or women? April 10, 2012, 8:46 am, he does not have the option to opt out entirely. I noticed you dutifully avoided addressing that. Iwannatalktosampson Who deserves to have the two people who were responsible for bringing it into the world both contributing to support it. Well, there are more than a million people who have been unexpectedly pregnant in this country, so arguably those risks are higher. And hopefully this childs mother will, too. (And a hint- if your boyfriend is as much of a mess as this letter makes him seem, its not- no matter how much of a mess you are). She may have been sweet and loving throughout the relationship, but when she stopped being her best self or caring about what you think, she became angry, vicious, or revengeful. He told me he will obviously be paying for it but wants nothing to do with her OR the baby. Abstinence is 100% effective, just saying. Does he think hes too old to be a dad? But dont be surprised if he gets slapped with child support responsibilities b/c he couldnt be responsible enough to prevent pregnancy it takes two. This whole thing could have been prevented that way. Ok, lets say he has the right to have as much unprotected sex as he wants. There isnt even a child on the scene yet (!) He found her annoying but still slept with herI think this was pretty assholish behavior. I dont doubt that Sure Baby, I love you. As far as your relationship with him. Welcome to parenthood. It would be nice if he said hed rather not have a kid, but he said that he is not happy that she is pregnant, and asked if she could abort. bittergaymark 8 Red Flags the Pregnancy is a Trap - Ann Silvers, MA Our resident male troll is back and defending his gender. And he took on the consequences. I think that is a pretty bad guess with how this guys attitude is towards things, and how badley he wants nothing to do with the child. thus why I said troll label aside. Do something to not have one! Whats your personal experience with forced fatherhood, no say over an abortion or crippling child support? Fyrebyrd2 Once again its the way the LW and the bf (at least the way the LW is presenting his reactions) acted about the potential baby that are rubbing people the wrong way. The hand and fingers were all bright red and black-and-blue under the nails. Yes, he could have done worse by refusing to pay child support and not wanting to be in the child s life or being an alcoholic abusive parent, or what have you. He isnt what is best for you. If someone decides to risk becoming a parent by having sex, especially unprotected sex, or by letting a pregnancy continue to the point where a baby is born, they are consenting to be responsible for any child that is produced. bittergaymark April 9, 2012, 4:44 pm. They can either hope the woman opts to not keep the baby, or they pay. The guy has not opted out of a childs life. Even if she was lying about being on birth control. April 10, 2012, 6:56 pm. Freeze your sperm and get a vasectomy. Both of those things cant be true, LW. She wants to abort Jimmys baby. But just my guess. As others have said, she could have been on the pill and he could have used a condom and she still could have gotten pregnant. But the important thing for you to know, as the mother of a child who may not ever know their biological father, is that your child wont miss what they never had. If this happens, he STILL should not be welcomed back. He didnt expect that to happen. He chose not to take the steps to avoid making a baby, and to avoid putting himself (and you!) Women can decide to abort the pregnancy or to give the child up for adoption, both of which are choices that remove any future obligation. It may not be widely known among the comment threads of womens advice blogs and other social hangouts but the family law bar is well aware of this issue. She didnt ask for any help with the other women so why would people be throwing out their opinions on that? He says it's a mistake and just did it to forget me. Painted_lady Of course it is, but we have no way of knowing that the other woman was lying about that. Why are people here creating scenarios that arent in the letter? Doesnt matter if it has a sign on it that says dont shake takes arms off if explodes!. So he and the LW should break up for good. bittergaymark Of. iseeshiny I think its dispicable that you would consider re-uniting with a man that thinks his only obligation as a father is financial support. If a guy wants absolutely to avoid becoming a father, he is responsible for using additional BC or not having sex with women if he doesnt know what their stance on unintended pregnancy would be. I would MUCH rather this guy walk away now then be stuck with a screaming baby he doesnt care for and end up throwing it off a bridge. I dont think I have ever seen so many thumbs up on one post And it deserves them! I think its more like HIV sufferers are more likely to be honest about how they got it because there isnt a societal blind eye for bullshitting about your personal responsibility for ending up in the predicament. Out of all the cries of sexism being thrown back and forth, that to me truly is sexist, assuming that a mother cannot raise a well-adjusted child by herself. I am willing to give this guy a teeney, tiny shred of doubt that he is in shock and is responding poorly, but that he could be a decent guy who will come around wants he gets his head around the situation. For the woman to turn around after the fact and say, Whups, knocked up! Until thats legally extended as you propose any man who doesnt exercise that option has no one to blame but himself when he becomes a parent.
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we broke up and he got another girl pregnant